oh. my. God

Let me tell you about the teacher who sits across from me in the teachers' room...

He is a special ed teacher

He is old (completely gray except his eyebrows)

He smokes (always smells bad, and has a cigarette above his ear half the time)

He slurps his hot drinks and then sighs  (slurp...AH...sluuuuuuuurp...AHHHHH)

He mutters to himself in his 20-year smoker/old man raspy voice (mutter mutter mutter mutter...AH!)

He types with ONE FINGER (tap...tap...taptap...taptaptap...TAPTAP...TAP...TAPTAPTAP...TAP!!!)

He blows his nose really loud EVERY MORNING while just sitting right across from me  (I find this gross...every morning it is a really loud, snotty type of nose blowing. and half the time it takes all my willpower to not gag as I listen.  I should mention that generally speaking, in Japan, it is rude to blow your nose in public.  You are supposed to excuse yourself, or at least turn and face a wall.  grrrr)

Let me tell you about the teacher who sits next to me in the teachers' room...

He is a math teacher  (the one who was giving commentary as he graded tests)

He is messy  (his stuff is everywhere, half the time on my desk, too)

He sits slumped over sideways in his chair (to the point that sometimes I cannot get in to my desk drawers without asking him to move)

He burps (really gurgley burps...I think he has a zombie living inside him that is just trying to escape)

and...

he farts  (ew)

The farting is a new development (I wonder if he ate something)  but let me tell you about last Friday.  He farted very audibly  (cue my face of complete shock) and before I could even really register that it was a fart, he made the most interesting "oooooohhhhh" noise I have ever heard (cue my completely uncontrollable yet must be controlled giggles.  I was shaking from laughter.  I did not know what to do!)

So, between Mr. Mutter and Mr. Fart...every day I find myself very much on edge at times, especially if both are present and are being annoying (as was the case today which prompted this post)  Thankfully, the first teacher I mentioned is not full-time, so he is not always here, and the second teacher is full-time, but spends half his time at various elementary schools, so he is also not always here.

the end.